Going through a divorce is highly emotional and very stressful, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a drawn-out nightmare.
While going through a divorce, you will experience a number of thoughts and feelings about your soon-to-be ex-spouse. You will probably experience anger, frustration, shame, rage and possibly even guilt. This is not wrong and it is perfectly normal to feel this way, but there is a time and a place to outwardly express these feelings.
There will be plenty of opportunities in which you have to deal with your spouse and it will be difficult to discuss the aspects of your divorce or other issues that pertain to the children. It is at these times when the focus should be on the issues at hand and not an emotional outburst. It will help if you write down a topic list to help stay focused and on track.
There are several ways in which you can get through your divorce with minimal drama. Tate Bywater, your law firm in Vienna, offers these guidelines to a civil divorce.
Learn Where and When to Vent
Many people think it is perfectly fine to vent their frustrations with other family members or with friends. But this is not a good idea. Friends and family might support your cause and back you up, but they may not know how to do it effectively.
Rather than having friends and family help you move past your anger and pain, you should consider seeking help from a religious figure, therapist or even a support group.
Realize There are No Winners
A fair settlement is a settlement in which both spouses can live with the outcome. Because in a divorce, nobody comes out a winner. Once you accept the fact that not everything is going to go your way or just the way you planned, the quicker you can move past your anger and hate.
An amicable divorce is not going to be a painless divorce. Nor is it going to be a divorce in which both parties need to stay friendly to each other. There is a huge difference between being friendly and being civil.
An amicable divorce is a divorce where both parties negotiate instead of litigating. The reward for doing this is fewer trips to the courthouse and less time spent in court. It also means less pain and trauma suffered by the children.
Don’t Expect the Best Outcome
No matter how many times you have been married, how old you are or how few assets you need to divide, divorce is still a difficult task.
Don’t expect your divorce to be a walk in the park, just know that once this chapter is over, you can move on with your life.
Listen to the Truth
When you are going through a divorce, people take sides and basically tell you things you want to hear. That is, they totally agree that your soon-to-be-ex is a pain.
You need to find somebody who will be completely honest with you and tell you the way things really are. Because the hard truth is that during a divorce, there is plenty of blame to go around. Once you come to terms with the fact that you aren’t perfect, it will be easier to move forward with more focus and less angst.
Understand the Impact
You and your spouse need to understand that your divorce impacts a lot of people. Never lose sight that in addition to the kids, friends and other family members are also impacted by your divorce. This is key in having the compassion to get through it with the least amount of drama.
If you are interested in speaking with an attorney about your divorce, contact Tate Bywater.